All You Wanted
by shattered windows
Summary: All Lily knew, that her desires of power or wealth had to be satisfied or she would go insane and all James knew, was that only she could save him from the fate that was given to him on a silver platter. LJ


All You Wanted

Chapter I: Wanting

**Disclaimer:** Anything that you recongnize is from J.K. Rowling and this is based on the song by Michelle Branch.

**Summary:** All Lily knew, that she had to know what his life was like or she would go insane, and all James knew, was that only she could save him from the fate that was given to him on a silver platter.

**Authors Note:** Urh. I wasn't sure if I should make this song (an ancient song, yes, but I've always liked it and I recently rediscovered it, in my sister's pile of dusty CDs when I was looking for a new song for My Immortal) a Hermione/Draco or a Lily/James. Well, you'll see that I chose Lily and James in the end…err…cause I like it more, right now. Right now. Actually, I think is my first story that I've actually attempted to connect to the stories written by J.K. Rowling (except the Petunia part).

But anyway, enough of my babbling and welcome to All You Wanted.

--

Lily couldn't help but stare at James Potter.

She couldn't stop looking longingly at his tousled hair, hear his raucous laughter, or smell his cologne. It was normal, she told herself, for a girl at her age of 17 to want a man so much. But was it? Was it so normal?

The elusive Lily Evans had never been in love and she never wanted to be until now.

Love is a weakness, she told herself everyday. Love caused her mother and father to marry when they were so young, so innocent. Love tricked them into believing they were made for each other, when they obviously weren't. Why would they divorce when Lily was 6, her sister 8? They probably didn't mean to break both the girls' hearts into little pieces, only leaving themselves to pick it all up. But it happened anyway. Her sister had told her that night they screamed those fateful words, to never love to save herself from becoming like them. And she told herself this before she went to bed everyday to keep it in her heart.

Even when she went to Hogwarts, her vow never to love had held strong. Her friends in her dorm told her she was crazy, absolutely nutters for thinking that true love would never come. But there was something in her heart that told her she knew something that they didn't about love. Their firm belief that love was the best thing to happen to their lives held almost as strong as Lily's did, even when their boyfriends stamped and tore open their hearts for the world to see.

But why did all of a sudden, she wanted to break free of these bonds that she had placed on herself?

It wasn't like she was so ugly that the male population drove free of her. In fact, there were more than enough people that wanted to date her. You would think that after she declared in fourth year that she would never love, they would give up. But, they did anything but do so.

Probably just because of the challenge, James Potter, Quidditch star supreme, began to look at her differently. He began to ask her out to Hogsmeade, to the dances, to Friday night dates. But all his pursuits failed in the end. Wistfully, she remembered that he asked her out so often that she lost count. Even through the beginning of sixth year, he continued to chase her. And suddenly, he stopped.

It was so frightening, that she missed a Charms class because of it.

He stopped paying attention to her, looking more at the more beautiful idols of Hogwarts, people that he had grown up without him noticing it because of her. She remembered how Sirius Black, his best friend, had practically thrown a party because of it. At first, she could have practically joined the party to celebrate it. That lasted for a few weeks, even after she heard people in her dorm mutter things about she had missed out on the best thing of her miserable life. But it soon ended.

In the beginning, she thought that she had suddenly missed her main way to vent her spleen, but she soon discovered she had first-years to do so. Then, she thought that she hated him so much, that she wanted to see his humiliation every day. More and more random thoughts came to her head, until she realized, last summer, they were all excuses.

And now, here she was, trying to ignore those butterflies in her stomach that almost wanted to make her run from the Great Hall to escape them. Her friends noticed that she wasn't the usual chatterbox that she normally was, but they didn't make a comment about it, believing that it was just that she needed some time alone. But that was really the last thing she needed.

She wanted to scream at them, "Why are you ignoring me? Don't you notice something's wrong? Why aren't you trying to help me?"

And then he looked at her.

Her heart froze as his chocolaty eyes scanned over her and his face smiled at her. Breathlessly, she forced a grin back as his eyes began to wonder over the rest of the female population again. Somehow, she couldn't stop smiling and laughing for the rest of dinner.

--

The next day, her day seemed far better.

Was love always like this? Was it? She tried desperately not to think that she was becoming one of those giggling girls that followed him around, not caring if he liked it or not? And worst of all, she almost feared that she was beginning to love, being to fall into the endless pit that no one could crawl out of. So she did what she always did.

She ignored him.

Lily called him "it" in all the conversations, ran away in the hallways if she saw him coming, refused to go to any public event in which he participated, and for once, disobeyed a teacher's call to be partners with James.

And that was all in one week.

It wasn't really long before her friends got tired of being dragged away from James whenever he wanted to speak to them and hearing her voice become full of disgust when they spoke of him. They were not his friends, but it was always amusing to speak to James Potter, for he was a person who made many enjoy their lives more than they would have. Even she was beginning to see, that she was now acting like how she did in 5th and 6th year, when he chased her. But now, she realized, because James isn't after me, it looks like I'm flirting with him.

She seemed to have stopped everything, until these random thoughts began happening to her during the strangest times possible. During lunch, as her eyes passed over the talkative and laughing James, she couldn't help but ponder a point.

What was his life like? She mentally smacked herself for ever wondering. Of course she knew what his life. Everyone in Hogwarts did. Every morning, he woke up by ice cold water with medium blocks of ice poured onto his body. And then, he drowsily woke up and took a freezing cold shower. Next, he put on his clothes and walked out of his dorm. He would wait by the door for a random girl and ask her if she would like to sit with the Marauders that day. And giggling, the girl always said yes. Between classes, the Marauders walked with a gigantic faction of girls behind them. After dinner in the Great Hall, he would go on a walk by himself, even though it was pitch black. When he returned, he would go up to his dorm, change, and go to sleep. No, she didn't stalk him, but half the girls that he dated now, told their friends what he did everyday and it soon passed throughout Hogwarts, until his life became so predictable, that she believed that if she was in his shoes, she would have gone insane.

But, the creepy voice in her head asked again, don't you even want to have your feet in his shoes? Don't you ever want to wake up to crowds of people loving you? A slight smile lit up her features as she daydreamed about how interesting life would be. But right before she went into the shower, she snapped out of it. It would only be a dream, a dream that she could wonder about forever.

Brushing her hair later that night, she wondered what life would be like, if when she stared into this mirror, she would see a beautiful, sporty, smart, and kind girl who was liked by everyone. She had always wondered how he saw the world, but had never acted on that thought. And suddenly, she wanted to be everything he was.

She brushed the thought off, knowing that it would never happen. How would she, Mary-Jane of the century, ever be like him? He was perfect, he was sporty, and he achieved perfect grades without even trying. Though she had the last part down, she had never dreamed of being sporty in anyway. It seemed impossible for a person of her physique.

Turned around, she crawled into bed, snuggling into its warmth. But as much as she tried, she couldn't handle it. She had to know. Putting on a robe, she slipped out of the dorm and found her way of Hogwarts, as she sat down on a bench, shivering, waiting for him to come back from his daily walk.

Within a few moments, he had come, but he hardly noticed Lily, hiding in the shadows of a large tree.

He muttered things, as suddenly, he sat down on the steps. With his hands in his hair, he suddenly said softly, but loud enough for Lily to hear, "Leave me alone! I'm not perfect for Merlin's sake. Why do you all think I'm perfect? I make mistakes, but no one remembers them! Why do they all look at me and think I'm perfect?" After these words, he just sat there, thinking. But Lily sat upright.

It was all that she needed to verify her need to see what his life was like and become like him to do so.

She hurried up to her dorm, listening carefully for professors, stalking the hallways. Her friends were awake, talking to each other. They greeted her as she entered the room, and she sat down beside Kayla Patel. Chatting normally, she almost ignored them and retreated to her own thoughts.

It didn't really sound like such a bad idea, as she thought more and more. She always had a slight desire to be popular, for maybe just a day, and see what it was like. But now that she thought about it, it really wasn't something new that this desire existed. Though she had a number of friends, her public image was always "Lily Evans, Goody Two-Shoes and Nerd." Sometimes, she even supported this idea, because it was far better, to her at least, to be known as a teachers pet rather than to be a whore.

But she knew she was tired of it. She wanted a change, a change that she prayed would happen. And perhaps, it was her chance.

--

**Authors Note**

Okay. I'm reposting this story, without the song lyrics, so FFnet won't delete it like they did to My Immortal.

Please Review.


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